KATHMANDU, June 3: The prospect of a better education and a better life beckons us all. We yearn for that degree, for that job; and chasing our dreams is now not only a reality but necessary for a fulfilling life. And as we make decisions to move out and broaden our horizons, we become wistful at the sight of the person we’ve chosen to shoulder through life with.
Caught in the avalanche of emotion, people are now finding it convenient to tie the knot, or exchange rings and promises before they head out to foreign shores. Newly engaged or married, they now leave with their hearts feeling bittersweet. The trouble with life is that it’s unpredictable.
The strength of a relationship can be tested in numerous ways. But for a couple separated by a continent or two, the test will be harder. The distance would have been a problem even if a couple wasn’t legally committed, but with the new relationship status comes more responsibility and, possibly, territorial rights over each other.
Married for six months now, Shruti Pandey, 24, working for Volunteer for Change Nepal as a Business Development Officer, says, “ A couple has to be understanding of each other and there should be plenty of trust and compromise. My husband is just too busy to be possessive or jealous, and since I know he’s always involved in work, I have no reason to pester him, either.”
Or you may just have to control it really well, like Sahara Dhakal Pahadi does. Sahara, 19, explains, “I was in a relationship with my husband for three years before we got married. We’re used to the distance between us because he was studying abroad even then. We decided to get married because I’m planning to study abroad myself and our parents thought it best we got married. If I feel jealous, I control myself and try not to fight. Our relationship after marriage is nothing but stronger. If we talked for half an hour everyday before we got married, it feels like we’re always communicating now. It’s Skype, Viber, or Facebook for us.”
In this age of Skype, g-chat and Facebook, has not staying in touch with your loved ones become tantamount to telling them you have better things to do with better people?
On the other hand, not everything is moonlight and roses. The time apart compels to make a person take a good look at reality. And what seemed to be the best decision to take at that time could just end up being the most complicated puzzle you’ll wring your hands over.
Living and working in the UK, Ewaraj Limbu, 26, has been engaged for more than three years now. He says, “Let’s just say long distance relationship doesn’t always work out. Well, I could brag but the truth is it’s not like it used to be. So I don’t really have lots of positive things to say. We aren’t what we used to be, and we hardly have things to say to each other. Forget sharing each and everything. We talk once a week or leave a message in Facebook. So it’s mostly communicating what’s important at the moment. Sometimes I feel like letting her go and then there are times I feel as though I can’t live without her. Trust and honesty are important, but we end up fighting most of the time. So I guess that shows I don’t handle jealousy very well. But honestly, I think I’m a bit calmer now because it doesn’t really bother me that much.”
Trust, faith, loyalty: all these are no doubt important. Yet, knowing that the key to any smooth and functioning relationship is faith you actually still struggle with. But over time, you’ll work out your differences and you will forget the little grievances. You’ll be there to welcome your loved one back home. And those times you sulked alone, shed bitter tears and missed him or her during your special moments will be put on the back shelf of the place you rarely visit.
Everything is fair in love and war. And so we love and fight in ways we deem fit.
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